I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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