my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
