i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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