STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
