The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
