"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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