I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I will die if light touches me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
