sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
