Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
