Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
