Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
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I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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