If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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