True but thats because hes a fetus.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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