no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
