His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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