On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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