The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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