bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
