this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
