The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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