How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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