69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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