It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
