awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
