fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.