I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.