Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My balls are so social today.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday