the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
