I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
