I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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