based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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