You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
