It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
