; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
