I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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