I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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