As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
