i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
