Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize