I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.