I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
