Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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