Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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