She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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