Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
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you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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