I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
