We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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