I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
