If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
