Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You pole danced in your parka.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
