So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
