It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
