do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
