i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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