I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
