so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
