dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
