matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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