Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
